Mums Takeover: My Mam and Her Special Little Boy
Written by my Beautiful Mam, Jackie…
This is a big thing for me to do!
Sitting down and putting pen to paper to write about my son who I adore by the way, but its nearly all bad ha ha.
I have four children and Kurtis being the third, Natalie, Maricarmen, Kurtis and Perrie.
What can I say about my girls? Well, only that they have always been angels in my eyes. Never any trouble at all, at school and at home. Maricarmen once told me to bugger off ha ha first and last time! Perrie has always been fairly good and only as a teenager did he give me a hard time, but on the whole he is a good lad. Kurtis though has been a nightmare.
So here we go…
Kurtis was a very good baby bless him, good sleeper, good eater and a joy to everybody. When he got to about 2 that's when he started developing this very cheeky mischievous energetic behaviour.
I thought it was just typical boy thing but how wrong was I!
Perrie was born when Kurtis was 2 so this is when the fun started. He was like a whippet, he would run away from me as I was pushing Perrie and I would often find myself running after him to stop him getting run over but leaving poor Perrie in the pram in the most awkward places. Kurtis could be 50 meters away in 5 seconds. My eyes had to be on Kurtis all of the time because of he saw I wasn't on the ball he was off.
When he was 4 he started nursery but that was never going to work, he would wet other children on the play area , not take turns, never sit still. I knew there was a problem by this time and I expected professional people to recognise this too but unfortunately for us in this school he was labelled a naughty boy from the word go, and this stayed with him until I decided to pull him out of nursery being the protective mother I am. I wasn't having anybody not understanding Kurtis, and quick to criticize him, no way!
I remember one of his last days at nursery walking home. I was crying and feeling so alone with all of this when I bumped into a friend show son had similar problems to Kurtis . She listened to me and told me to got to a drop in centre near by, so off I went the next day!
From the day I visited the drop in I got massive support from the word go. In no time they transferred Kurtis to a different local school (Errington). For a full year this school was amazing for Kurtis, and for me. They gave my son so much support it was unbelievable, especially after having non at all from the previous school. Kurtis went from strength to strength in this school but I still pushed to get him more one to one because I thought that's what he needed.
Kurtis was inevitably sent to another school (St Peters) where he then got specialised attention with amazing teachers who knew exactly how to treat children who were just that little bit different, not bad, not naughty, just special in so many ways. He is my boy and I wouldn't hear of any other way to describe him.
Kurtis spent a lot of time with my mama and dad too, my mama was disabled and I was her carer so we went to their house most days. Dad would always say he going to be something one day darling and that was all because he never dropped his sweet papers on the floor when he took him for a walk... he would always pass them to my dad. At that time I really remember wanting to believe my dad that he could be!
Lots of things happened every day and to explain them all would literally take me a lifetime, here are a few stories and events which have definitely stuck., i’m just writing as I think....
When he was very young, maybe 5 or 6, he disappeared in a flash, I hunted high and low, in the above flat, in the street in the alley, screaming out his name. After about ten minutes (which seemed like a lifetime) he came strolling down the street. I was so happy to see him, I couldn't be mad, I cried with relief!
Anyway once we got back to the house he asked me “would you be mad if i knew your pin number?”
In which I replied “Why would you know that?”
Ten minutes passed and he decided to tell me he did in fact know my pin number and had been to the cash point to withdraw some money, and out he pulled £300 (because that's all it would allow him to) I nearly died!
“Kurtis what if someone had hit you or done something to get the money off you?”
To which he replied “Don't worry man I took Dads hammer just in case!”
Can you imagine!
On Maricarmen’s Birthday (14th, he was 6) I arranged a limo to surprise her and her friends. As I went in the kitchen to get my bag, all of 2 minutes, Kurtis decided he would have a bonfire in my front room with toilet roll. I had a massive burn in my carpet and he had nearly burnt down the house...But I had to forget about it and go to Hollywood bowl because I didn't want to disappoint Maricarmen or her friends! Good timing by Kurtis...I didn't have chance to be out of my head with anger!
When Kurtis was leaving St Peters I was so passed myself, scared of another school undoing all their hard work . But the secondary school was really good with him! He could go to Zen at lunch times and play times where they loved him because by now he was such a funny lad. Yeah he got into lots of trouble and fights, but by now I was understanding I had to let go and let him develop himself and not fight his every battle. Looking back I can see I was a little mental with being so supportive/ defensive. Hurt my kids and god help you...nobody could say anything about them even if I did and I knew it was true! I would and still will back my kids all the way. After saying that he did tie 6 lighters around an exhaust pipe with Sellotape to try and damage a car , yes he got caught, and yes It was the head teachers car. She had annoyed him that week. Unfortunate for Kurtis I counted fight his corner that time! Another day he set his school bag alight just so he couldn't get into trouble for not doing his homework. No proof...clever lad ey! Is it too late to mention he had a thing over fire?
Another day his dad had finished decorating the living room, new carpet, new wallpaper, new 3 piece suite, guess what? The very next morning after it was all finished we discovered Kurtis had got up during the night at maybe 6 years old? Pulled nearly all of the wallpaper off and slashed the sofa which was a total right off...great e, I mean what do you do!?
He got his chopper bike one day (he had gone to the cinema, seen it and loved it so we got him it because it was always nice to find something he would concentrate on and enjoy for more than 5 minutes) A few days later he had been at his Nannas house visiting. One minute he was there, the next he was gone. We were frantic and he was nowhere to be seen. Eventually the police brought him home, he had taken off from his Nannas house and rode barefoot about 4 miles on the man road, no shoes or socks...he wanted to show his uncle Dave his new bike in the next town along (Guisborough to New Marske for the Locals). He had been reported for being all over the road!
Another time in Guisbrough Kurtis and Perrie were playing in the tree out the back . They had toy guns and were pretending to shoot each other, We were watching them out of the window when the next thing nth armed response were shouting DISARM DISARM! Kurtis was souring back “Stop shouting at me or I will shoot”. His dad ran over shouting that they were toy guns but by this time Kurtis was into what he thought was a game of COPS and robbers! (he used to talk with an American accent too!) He was about 6 this time and he got arrested and finger prints taken all because a lady passed had asked him if it was a real gun , Kurtis of course said yes so she rang the police! Have these people never seen kids before?
I'm back again after taking a break writing this yesterday. I felt so worn out reliving those sometimes exhausting days. But I wouldn't change them for the world. I can never say I have ever had a boring time with Kurtis!
Kurtis managed to stay at Huntcliffe secondary school for the remainder of his education at times I really don't know how he did. It was down to a lot of time and patience with everybody involved in his life. I can remember feeling so frightened again about him leaving that safe haven of school to have yet again more challenges, new people, a new college, new environment. Believe me, I had every reason to feel like this, I lived on my nerves as I constancy feared for what I was going to be up again next. He did really well leaving school and moving on, yeah he had fights and arguments in the different college but Kurtis being Kurtis couldn't give a monkeys what people think of him, its always me that does, wild horses wouldn't have stopped me defending him.
After writing all this I still smile because Kurtis is the most loving, smartest lad you could meet, and even through all of our testing times he made us all laugh so much. He wasn't academic at school but so clever in so many other ways. After a few colleges he then went on to settle in TTE where he was for 3 years. Unfortunately he didn't get an apprenticeship at the end but, hey ho, he still had amazing qualification by this point. I know I keep saying this, but I am so so proud of him, he is fantastic. After a year or so of leaving TTE he said “Mam I want to go in the army.” I was so shocked but happy in a way because I knew he was ready to take on the world by himself.
It took him a full year to be accepted into the army because he was overweight. He worked so hard to get fit and loose the weight, me nagging him a lot as well! But he finally made it and was leaving for the army so excited! We took him to London and left him at Waterloo Station on his final journey to Pirbright barracks. I kissed him and he got on the train and then I broke my heart, as I am just thinking about it! The train seemed to take forever to leave so the guard said I could go back if I wanted to. I did, I ran crying and looked thorough the window, he had his earphones in and just looked as if I was mad, He said “Mam im fine!”
I cried for a good few hours that day 14 long weeks later we all went to his passing out parade and that was the proudest moment ever for Kurtis!He was so thin too! He marched passed and I saw him trying to smile, oh my god it was amazing! He is now in the Aircore Regiment and going from strength to strength.
He is a very funny, intelligent young man who yes, still makes mistakes and does some stupid things but don't we all? The blessing is that he has managed to come through some tough and trying times. The main goal I set for him was health and happiness and he has got all that!
I love him so much and I am so proud of you Kurtis, you little sod!
You have lead me a song and a dance!
Notes added by Maricarmen-
My Mam is not nuts, this is all true...well maybe a little nuts, see all above!
Social services have never been involved with my Family...just saying!
Kurtis’s Dad was a Joiner hence the Hammer.
I never told her to bugger off, I'm pretty sure I said butt off!
She isn't in denial and does admit he was also a little s**t too at times.
I will never forgive him for that birthday...Mam was proper ragged!
Mam doesn’t feel like Kurtis is anything but special, no diagnosis changes this...make of it what you wish.
My Mam is freaking awesome, every memory is a good one for me and she did a good bloody job of hiding the hurt.
Natalie is the golden child, level headed, kind, never a problem for Am...i would say us three have been more of a challenge!
I am so thankful things have changed and there is a lot more support out there for Mums going through the same.